the warmth

The day before yesterday I was betrayed by a close friend in such a way that it truly shocked me  and has me rethinking my approach to life. I have been extremely guarded most of my life which has led me to be quite a control freak, it seems in almost every way possible. I bring new people into my life at the speed of a sloth, i can't commit to ordering online food. In massage school I learned that not only did I control things physically but one of my teacher's aids was doing a demo on me one day and laughed saying "oh I didn't know you were such a control freak"! lol. It was until that day, that I  really and truly realized that those of us who try and control everything, only do damage to ourselves. Mentally and physically. Letting go is one of the hardest things for me. As is opening up to people. I have many walls up to protect myself and when someone whom I have given access to bypass some of the walls betrays my trust. It is hard for me not to exile them. Which many can probably understand. But then you start thinking... well if that person can do it, maybe I should be a little more cautious of the other people I have let beyond my walls.

I'd like to close my eyes, go numbBut there's a cold wind coming from
The top of the highest high rise today
It's not a breeze 'cuz it blows hardYes and it wants me to discard
The humanity I know, watched the warmth blow away
So don't let the world bring you downNot everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came and while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old
So do you think I should adhereTo that pressing new frontier
And leave in my wake, a trail of fear
Should I hold my head up high?And throw a wrench and spokes by
I'm leaving the air behind me clear
So don't let the world bring you downNot everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came and while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow, before you grow old
So don't let the world bring you downNot everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came and while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old, before you grow old